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Hello. I am a 15 year old girl and I feel as though I may be in an emotional abusive relationship with my mother. She constantly brings me down but then acts as though I am perfect and the next hour she will yell at me (calling me a *****, useless, etc), she acts like everything I do and my cat do is my fault and if something goes wrong it is also my fault, she does almost all work in the house and continues to complain about it and mostly yells at me, also if I ever talk back or try to explain myself she yells at how horrible I am and how "She doesn't care about what I think. She doesn't care what my beliefs are." and how she is "Always right" and how "I was a mistake" also whenever we try to talk anything out she will not listen long enough and ***** at me. She smokes every day even before me and my older brother (who is 20 turning 21 in June) and she drinks all day. Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship? If so what could I do?
Country: United States of America

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5 Answers

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It does sound like you are in an emtionally abusive relationship.  I would try to get your mom to explain why she is doing this with your brother.  Get her to explain what her beliefs are. I would also try to find someplace to go just to be alone if you can.  It might be the bottom of your closet, or it might be somewhere else in the house or outside.   Right her your point of view in a letter.  You might find she listens better to print then to words.  

Keep strong.  Confide to your brother if you can.  I can give you a number to try.  It's the Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.  Or else there is the Hopeline at 1-800-784-2433.
+1 vote
I remember what it was to be 15, it's a rough time considering you're becoming a young adult.  This was the only time in my life that I felt distant from my mom which was unusal since she was my best frined growing up and also we became best friends in later years as well.

Even though your mom may be saying some hurtful things and are not ideal, I always tend to try to look inside the person who is "acting out".  Anger usually comes from hurt.  I have no idea what your mom's background is, but it sounds like with her drinking is a huge sign of something being wrong.

I have always found writing to be a release of emotions and can be very healing.  I would first recommend writing your mom a letter of exactly how you feel....BUT...not giving it to her.  First, you need to get some of your feelings out before you approach her, so the conversation will be more productive.  I would destroy the letter so there's no chance of her finding it.  After a few days, then I would suggest to either write a new letter or try to discuss it with her.  Most importantly, you need to show love.  Regardless of how she's treating you, she is your mom and will always be.  She was chosen to be your mom and you need to cherish her for who she is inside, not how she's acting.  I'm sure deep down in your heart, you know she loves you.  A lot of people act totally different than how they really feel inside.  She probably hates the way she's acting, but doesn't know how to stop it.  Most importantly, your reaction to her will either escalate the issue or calm the situation, so watch how you're reacting.

It may sound like I'm defending your mom, but really what I'm suggesting is that you try to calm the situation and little by little, you may be able to talk to her more.   By showing love to someone, even when it's hard to do, usually makes the other person more receptive.  It sounds like she may need some help in getting it.

I will pray for you and your family that God will bless you with his peace.  Family is extremely important, so make every effort you can to protect it.
0 votes
Profile Photo by vosmeer ANGEL5000+ (5.2k points)   1 3 10
Hi dear friend! thanks for sharing, it sounds very difficult for you to deal with your mother. i understand that you feel emotionally drained and under a lot of pressure. a good thing to do will be to give your mother some more space, go out and do things with your friends. (ask her first so she feels respected). it seems to me that your mother is under a lot of pressure as well and she doesn't know how to deal with the stress, thats why she throws it at you and your brother. also it will be very good if you can ask your mother what you can do for her sometimes. also you and your brother can organise a picnic, go out together as a family. also you can ask her if she wants to go to do something by herself sometimes, go shopping, go to a movie by herself. all these little things will help to reduce the tension.

i know it will be hard, but i think it is worth a try!

please keep in touch and let me know how things are going. i will try to pray for you as well, i am here for you.

big hug and God bless you, Jimmie
0 votes
Hi, I  first want to let you know that my heart goes out to you. What you are feeling about your mother is absolutely valid. Your story resonates with me, as my own mother became extremely emotionally abusive when I was fifteen years old. She would, and still does call me a b**** and other awful names, minimizes my opinions and goals etc. I questioned at the time whether what I was experiencing was abuse, after all, sometimes she was loving and everything seemed normal. By the time I really started seeing her behavior for what it was, it was a month before my eighteenth birthday. I knew child services couldn't place me anywhere that quickly though. I desperately wish I would have told someone what was going on when I was a minor. I am 19 now, and a university student. My mother drives me to school every day. I do attend counselling at university and it truly has been one of the best decisions I've ever made.  My advice is to tell someone, perhaps a guidance counselor. I know it is scary. Whenever I considered telling, I  never did. I was worried the abuse would get worse. I can't say for sure what will happen if you tell.  All I can tell you is that you have the best shot at getting help while you're under 18. As an adult, no help really exists other than counselling. I don't mean to scare you by telling you this, and mine is just one person's opinion. I just don't want you to go through what I have. Your mental health and happiness are worth it. Stay safe.
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (301k points)   7 7 12

1. Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; within Thy wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from Thee; from the evil one, deliver me; at the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to Thee, that with Thy saints, I may praise Thee forever and ever. Amen.

2. Prayer Against Malefice from the Greek Ritual

God, our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful and All-mighty, You Who made everything and Who transform everything simply by Your will. You Who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the ‘seven-times hotter’ furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the salvation of those who turn to You.

We beseech You to make powerless, banish, and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against Your servant [name of person/s]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory, and charity.

O Lord, You Who love man, we beg You to reach out Your powerful hands and Your most high and mighty arms and send the angel of peace over us, to protect us, body and soul. May he keep at bay and vanquish every evil power, every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people.

Then, under the protection of Your authority may we sing, in gratitude, ‘The Lord is my salvation; whom should I fear? I will not fear evil because You are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages.”

Yes, Lord our God, be merciful to us, Your image, and save your servant [name of person/s] from every threat or harm from the evil one, and protect him/her by raising him/her above all evil. We ask You this through the intercession of our Most Blessed, glorious Lady, Mary ever Virgin, Mother of God, of the most splendid archangels and all Your saints. Amen!

3. Prayer for Deliverance

My Lord, you are all powerful, you are God, you are Father. We beg you through the intercession and help of the archangels Michael, Raphael and Gabriel, for the deliverance of our brothers and sisters who are enslaved by the evil one. All saints of Heaven, come to our aid.

From anxiety, sadness and obsessions, we beg You. Free us, O Lord. From hatred, fornication, envy, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From thoughts of jealousy, rage, and death, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every thought of suicide and abortion, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every form of sinful sexuality, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

From every division in our family, and every harmful friendship, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every sort of spell, malefic, witchcraft, and every form of the occult, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

Lord, You Who said, “I leave you peace, My peace I give you,” grant that, through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, we may be liberated from every evil spell and enjoy your peace always. In the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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