wish i would just not wake up , why cant it be that easy?

Question

I wont bore you with the details of why my life sucks but it does. Ive tried suicide 3 times and failed. Im so pathetic i cant even do that properly. The only things i haven't tried would hurt or endanger other people and i don't want to do that to somebody. Im just on autopilot and nobody cares at all. Im more serious about it than before as I've realised through the attempts that not even my own parents , sister or 'friends' could care less about me.

Answer 1

Hey, you are not being ignored.  At least not here.  I am guessing that as you are on auto pilot, nobody really realizes what you are going through.  I do have some very true news for you, though.  You need to cheer up, and put your mind on something else.  I can tell you it will be hard.  Isaiah 57:2, "But the wicked are like the troubled sea, when it cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt."  Why does God call people wicked?  Psalm 10:4, "The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts."  Psalm 59:12, "For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips let them even be taken in their pride: and for cursing and lying which they speak. "  Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."  Because people are sinners, there is a punishment.  Revelations 21:8, "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. "  Romans 6:23a, "For  the wages of sin is death,..."  That is because God is holy.  Holiness is perfection.  Isaiah 6:3, "And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory."  Isaiah 59:2, " But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. "

I have good news for you.  Jesus is the way.  Romans 6:23b, "...But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  John 14:6, "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. "  John 10:15, "As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep. "  John 3:13, "And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven."   Verse 13 could only happen if Jesus was God.  John 10:30, " I and my Father are one."   John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."  

So, what do you do?  You need to repent.  Luke 13:3, "I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. "  Psalm 2:12, "Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him."  And when that happens, you become a child of God.  John 1:12, 13, "But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God."

As children of God, you receive a purpose, and many promises.  Revelation 4:11, "Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. "  Hebrews 13:5,6, "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

Answer 2

Never hurt yourself or endanger others. I know you do not mean it in the way that would pull bad attention to you…. so let’s move on from that.

Talk to me. Talk to someone. Call one of the help hotlines.  Tell us / them in exact “detail” what is bothering you? Why do you feel suicidal? I really want to know. You need to tell someone if you ever hope for things to get better.  I know what it feels like to lose all hope. Now SPEAK, and give yourself hope, and let others care and help.

Sometimes it’s not a matter of whether others care, and sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s a matter of their own attitudes… do not let their attitudes become your own. Find the right people who can understand, wants to help, gives you hope. Sometimes that can not be found in our own families.

Answer 3

JADE.. Seriously... Ask yourself... Are you selfish???  If you are NOT, PLEASE ... Think before you act.  We've all had hard times, myself included... and have often thought about how it would be if there were 'no more'.  The recent passing of Robin Williams comes to mind.  When I read the headlines, I immediately thought...  'Wow... What a selfish soul!!'  (To put it nicely.)  A man that supposedly had 'EVERYTHING'.  What was in his head?  How could he be sooooo selfish???  How could he do that to those that 'love' him?  Simply wishing I had just a fraction of what he had... THEN to throw it all away???  For what?  I just don't get it.  I'll never get it. There's nothing THAT bad that can't be overcome. That's God's decision to make.   Ask for help.  Don't be afraid.  Others may NOT know that you need or want help.  Voice yourself.  Good things may happen!  Seek advice from clergy or a medical practitioner if you feel your family and friends do not care.  Even the person you're sitting next to!  New ideas, thoughts, doors and windows may open!  Not sure exactly where you are, but most places have a government program that offers a sliding scale for medical help... and sometimes it's even FREE if you look for it.  You seem 'logical'... thinking about how your negative actions may have an effect on others!  That's a fantastic trait!  Take that and seek help... Your phone book could be a good place to start if you're not comfortable talking to a friend or family member.  You MAY think they don't care, but they probably do!  I care... and I don't even know you!!!!  Suicide is NOT a solution... only a problem!!!

Answer 4

Well first of all I think you need a little more support than what you are getting from your family.. Please go and find support from even a group on facebook or go to your local GP and talk to them.. they should be able to refer you onto someone that you can talk to.. Don't give up life is far more fun being there and enjoying it then being dead - why do you think funerals are so sad XX

Answer 5

I bet you are an amazingly kind person and giving too. The first thing I learnt about you is that your self esteem is so low you berate yourself on not being able to kill yourself. There's not an answer I can really give for that, except that you're still here and you still have a chance at whatever life you want to have. The second thing is that you have spoken about the only other way you would. How you could possibly hurt someone else. You are still thinking about other people when all your hope seems lost. That is loving and kind, in an unconventional way.

My advice would be this: I realised a couple years ago that I was not doing myself any favours. I felt unloved by my partner, unvalued at work and unclean from childhood abuse I endured (physical and bullying). The problem was, I didn't love myself.

I changed two of those things, the other I have decided is immaterial to my life now and I'm starting to move on.

I have never been happier, because I left all the bad stuff behind and only took the good with me.

Push yourself. Trust yourself. Love yourself.

You deserve to be loved and you also deserve to love yourself.

Answer 6

Dear Jade even though you feel your parents, sister or friends don't care about you, what if your wrong. You leave this earth from self harm. That could ruin them. Completely shatter there hearts to pieces. Then you would forever be remembered as the one who took there own life to save yourself but leave the hurt behind for your family and or friends. It is also is a huge sin in God's eyes as it's like saying I don't think I should of been created and cause you hurt the ones left behind God dosent like it. So if you think your suffering here is bad then what about hell it would be worse. Thats not the way I would want to go. I know this might sound harsh but I to have been suicidal before and thinking like this pulled me through. I am now happy and married with a baby along the way. So hold it out because you to can have good come your way. All you got to do is live and believe that God will help you in every step of your way and he will. As I prayed that you gain all you need so believe and it will be so.
From a friend

Answer 7

I was in the same situation as you are experiencing now. Mind you it was some time ago. I have had years to see how things really do work out. There is no miracle cure. There  was much hard work and much soul searching. Let me tell you...I was 27 and married with two school age children. I was in a very bad, loveless marriage. I hated my job. My parents had moved across the country and for the first time in my 27 years I was truely alone with myself. Even as a child I had a tough row to hoe. My parents were alcoholic and we children were pretty much left to raise ourselves. I lost my only real parent, my grandmother, at age 17 and from that point on I raised myself with the wisdom she gave me. I many times as a teenage had planned ways to do myself in. As an adult, I planned ways to do myself in. I never really wanted to do it but rather, wanted those left behind to experience life without me. I came to realize their lives would go on just as it had. I didn't feel I made enough of an impact in anyone's life that it would bring them to their knees. At 27 I had enough. For all the times I planned suicide, this was the time to carry it out. I even had been to church that evening. Even after being in such an enviroment, as I left I told myself  I was still ready to leave this earth. I headed home for the last time. As I drove home, I heard the train. I remembered I lost a dear friend in that same area due to a train accident. I knew how I was going to die. I knew there was a street that crossed over the track and the train was near. If I timed my speed correctly I could be at that spot so I could suddenly be there and the train conductor would not have time to stop. The train was very close as I approached the intersection. I looked back over my right shoulder to see just how close that train was and...I saw the head of my daughter just below my direct line of sight out the back window. I suddenly was propelled back to my reality. ***!!!  I was so lost in all my dispair that I almost took out the lives of my children who had been to church with me. Just a few moments ago, I had put them in the car. Along the short drive I had thought only of my pain and not them. I was responsible for them. How could I have been so selfish. I stayed straight ahead instead of turning and took my children safely home.
The next day, I took off work and called someone for help. I went into therapy. I learned to understand how living in an alcoholic home had helped me make such poor choices that led me to where I was. I learned that it was my life. I discovered I had choices unrelated to the care of other people no matter what their circumstances were. I learned to like myself and enjoy my own company. I learned to let people into my circle and to let them see the real me and not the role I allowed them to see. I had always played the role of whatever others around me needed me to be.   Not once did I ask myself in 27 years, what about me? What do I want? What makes me happy? Who do I want to grow up to be??? No one had ever let me know that was an option.  It took many more years to learn how to get to know me. It took many hard lessons learning the what the world was about with my newfound eyes and knowledge. The best thing ever that helped me was when my therapist told me I could care about others without being their caretaker. WOW. That was so liberating. I ended my marriage after 13 more years of trying to put it together. I ended it with no regrets and it has been 14 years since then now. I never remarried. I found the love of my life and thought I had found heaven on earth. I found out though that my heaven had restrictions on it. Restrictions that made it so I lost me again. I have not seen that person in many years. Yes I still love them as intense as the day I walked away. Maybe more. But I still had me. I went back to school, got training and found a few jobs that suited me better and that I was very good at. I saw my children grow up and  make a life for themselves and have children of their own. I became a much better father to them and it shows in them as adults. So life has been good, but life has not been easy. It only gave me back what effort I put into it. My granny always used to tell me "it's a great life if you can survive it". I never understood that as a young person but I treasure it as a 56 year old. I lost my health two years ago, and suffered major setbacks from cancer and  will never be the same physically as I was. I never know if it will come back. I was not expected to live. But even cancer didn't take from me all that I had come to learn. It didn't take my joy of life. I live on little money, but I am so rich. So fight like an alley cat and look forward to each morning and be thankful everynight with the anticipation that tomorrow morning with have a rainbow in the sky. I wish the same for you as has happened for me. Best wishes on your bright future.

Answer 8

Dear Jade,

I completely understand where you're coming from, but life doesn't always go as planned for everyone.

The fact that you actually tried to commit suicide (however you did it) and failed 3 times is a sign that you still have a reason to live. I've contemplated suicide before for a long time, but in doing so only hurts others around me. If laying to rest forever was that easy... you obviously haven't been through all walks of life from what I can see. Believe me, things do get better. You just don't know it yet.

Some people in this life decide to drift through life on autopilot, and to just narrowly assume that "nobody cares at all" is a false assumption. A lot of people here put forward their best interest to help provide you with advice :)

What you really need is self-respect. You need to expose yourself more, regardless of what others might depict or say. If you have no respect for yourself, no one will have any respect for you. Slowly, things will start to go your way - love, happiness, all the good things in life. Without self-respect, "nobody cares at all" simply because they don't want to be responsible for your own grief. It's too much for them to handle when they have their own lives to worry about. Taking in advice to build your own knowledge is one thing, but what you make of it all depends on you.

For a start, my advice would be to look for a job. It may sound typical, but it's perhaps your best option. More than just a rewarding experience, it also gives you the opportunity to surround yourself with people who well and truly respect you. I understand that there's a lot of tension between you and your family, but this could help ease things off temporarily. The money you make - why not go on a spree for yourself, or buy a gift for your family and closest friends? It could be one of those things that's genuine and heartfelt that helps to mend things. Just a suggestion.

If you're keen, you could also help other people just like you. Trust me, as much as I hated opening up, it really helped talking to someone about these things and you feel so much better after. It's like you just achieved something extraordinary :)

Don't give up hope, keep fighting!

Answer 9

Well, first of all, to address the people who refer to suicide as "selfish":

People who commit suicide are mentally ill. Being mentally ill distorts a person's thinking so suicide seems like an appropriate, logical solution. They are NOT selfish; they are sick.

That said, suicide severely hurts the people left behind and it can seem like a selfish act to people who have never felt suicidal or have no understanding of mental illness.

Jade, please go to someone for help and do not attempt suicide. You can have these disturbing thoughts, as uncomfortable as they may be, without acting upon them. Depression distorts your thinking so you think you matter to no one, but in fact, you probably matter to more people than you realize. Please seek help.

In addition to getting professional help, I would highly recommend the following books: "The Mindful Way Through Depression" and "The 3 Promises".
 
Wishing you well.

Comments

I care sister... The community cares, think of something daily. Any thing. That is good about yourself. Even if you made someone a coffee today, say I did that and I am kind. Tell yourself things to make yourself love you as Jesus loves you just the way you are. There's something wrong with this world, but do not leave us sister and rush off to heaven, for we need you here , you one day are going to help others in need of support just as soon as you have victory ... Your loved xoxox

Answer 10

Yes someone does care abt you- I do. I know how hard it can be just to keep on going at times- have those feelings of "wish I could just not be here anymore" but believe it or not someone cares- God cares for you too and wants you to make it- if you can look to Him He can guide you thru this problem you are facing right now- I know this but when my trouble comes on me it is terribly hard to get thru it- lean on others a lot then! if you need a friend I will be one!