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I sell my body to survive. I've been a prostitute since I was 14, but I don't even want to survive,

+2 votes
1,099 views
asked Aug 27, 2014 by anonymous  
everyday is torture and theres no way out, even days where I don't go in to the brothel I can still feel the ache between my legs like now. I'm too afraid to kill myself but I have nothing to live for, I don't want to be touched even one more time, but always the rent is due and sometimes the bills are in or I need food, and every now and then I take ****** because I was trying to get a decent amount from a girl i work with so i could kill myself but I could only get her to give me small amounts at a time and I would pretend to take it but actually save it up, but i was scared it was obvious so i started to actually take small amounts, i tried it proper once but then it didn't work because I woke up. And I climbed the railing 14th floor but I was scared and climbed back over, I don't know why I cant do it, theres nowhere out
Country: New Zealand
    

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12 Answers

+1 vote
answered Aug 28, 2014 by tina  
I promise you that if you let god help he will change your life and with gods miracles, find you an escape from that life .another job? another way to pay bills ? a way to leave that city  or a rehab if you have drug issues .The only challenge for you is to sit and listen to the word of god in a church that the preacher speaks ,the word of god is alive and it gives you life understanding and frees you from these things that bind your life ,this path you are on is likely caused from trauma  when you were younger and recognizing this you can stop blaming yourself in any way .heres a saying "let God" you need to let god help you, if you don't like the idea of god then call it universe ,ask help from the universe God etc and I promise you it will come ,listen to the words from the bible pray for understanding and expect a miracle .some women can do your profession for their whole lives and still live their life in a productive way and have other things that are positive like friends and interests. But this profession is not for you because of the way it makes you feel ,it is poisonous to your mind and spirit .and it wont change for you, so pray for another job to open up and it will ,you can do it ,change is hard but if you keep trying then all your efforts will reward you , I promise ..I promise !!! don't give up ,besides ,the Buddhists believe that when we die we just come right back again and we start off where our souls journey ended in the last life ,this is perhaps your challenge and I think that you have the strength to do this ,you are already so strong in enduring it now ,just use all that strength you use there to help yourself change your life.
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Aug 29, 2014 by HOPE ANGEL24K (61,970 points)   6 11 36
Child prostitution is illegal even under the Reform Act. Please know that this is NOT a job.
It is easy to default back to the status quo, but think about how much you hate doing this. It is time to quit!

You CAN find a real job that you like and can support you. Have you tried? How much effort you have  spent?

I encourage you to call the following number NOW:
Women's Refuge - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843
Alcohol drug helpline - 0800 787 797
Youthline - 0800 37 66 33
The Lifeline (New Zealand) - 0800 543 354

Don't escape life
Escape what really cause your pain
NOW

May Angels be around
0 votes
answered Sep 17, 2014 by anonymous  
How could I get a job, who would want me? I'm a user and a ******, I have no education, no experience, no job history that I could put on a CV. I am so nervous of people I stutter when I talk to strangers. No one would ever hire me, I can't do anything.

As for god, he is either not there or is angry at me for having sex because he's never answered back, I even tried to make a deal with him once and bought a lotery ticket and swore to him that if he let me win I would only take what I needed to pay my way through uni and the rest I would give to charity and I would never work in prost again ever, and STILL nothing...

ps the person who was concerned re:child prosti, when I started I was 14, I'm not underage now. i was just trying to show that i know nothing of survival outside of this work, it is literally all I know, and my pimmp, the manageress and the other sad sights of girls are the only family I know too.
commented Oct 3, 2014 by anonymous  
Sometimes god works in mysterius ways. Just because he didnt let u win the lottry doesnt mean hes not there or that he doesnt care cause he is there and he does care for each and everyone one of us a lot. He loves you. Ending your life isnt the answer. Put your trust in him. If u really want out of ur "job" just leave. He will provide for u and things might be rough for a little while but hang in there and pray for him to be there for u and help u get through this.
commented Oct 19, 2014 by anonymous  
You may not have a work history but you can create one by starting from the bottom. What do you like doing? Find that out and begin making steps to get the skills to achieve what you really want to do.

For instance, I feel that my purpose is to help and guide ppl, I have no experience apart from my own life hardships. So, I started here trying to help others gain the strength they need to overcome their pain and hurt.

If you make excuses it will hold you back. my mother was a user and sold herself. I found her on the streets at 12 yrs old, and I took her home but she often ran off. I myself was abused and ended up in care and I have done things I wish I didnt. But....in the face of testing times - i tell myself to put my best foot forward cos I will be dammed if i let them win.

This is YOUR life, what you do with it is what you will good or bad.

PS..God may not have let you win the lottery but his helped you survive so far! Who has bought you so far when your actions could have ended differently. You can only begin to appreciate life when you appreciate the small things within it. x
commented Aug 26, 2016 by Rosel  
I'm a young NZ woman and my heart goes out to you What city are you in? If you are near Wellington, I live there too. How can I help you?
Reach out here and please let me know what I can do.
+1 vote
answered Oct 13, 2014 by Rebbecca   3 6
Dear to whom it concerns
I don't know if you are a believer of God or not but he has helped me so much. I use to be into drinking heavily and drugs and more. But God turned my life around for the better and I am now married with a baby along the way and loving every minute of it. No matter what we have done in the past and or present God is always willing to forgive if we let him. Let him be there for you and bless you with so much good just by believing and living by his laws. You don't have to be perfect and you can still have fun. But instead of feeling down in the dumps you can be happy. Believe in him and ask him to make you happy and he will.
From a friend.
+1 vote
answered Oct 17, 2014 by Liberty  
You can't die because your will to live is stronger then your will to die. When faced with hopelessness ending your life is always the key thought to end the misery. It's like your in the middle of the sea with the waters at you neck, and about to go under. Knowing that you can't swim back to shore, your looking for something to save you. Drugs don't work, neither does anyones advice. You feel as if no one understands you, or the depths of your struggle. I can see that you want help bcuz you came here to cry out. You have no courage because the shame of your lifestyle discourages you. Bcuz of lack of guidance and support, you ended up finding a way to support yourself. Before you know it, you were introduced to a better way to making money in the sex trade. You want out now, but the lack of selfworth destroys your confidence. You feel useless and unworthy bcuz you You don't know nothing other then this life. Let me tell you this. You never had a life, your life was robbed from you, due to the fact that, you didn't get guided through your childhood, so you ended up making mistakes. Now you don't have anything positive planted in you to give you hope. I don't know.you, but God told me these things about you in my spirit. He never left.you once. And he was there everytime you cried and doubted he was even real. He knows hour anger and rage towards him. He knows you feel like he hasn't helped you, so you don't want to believe in him. But he loves you. Try to go to him. Learn of him by the Holy Bible, so he can speak to your
 brokenness. He is waiting on you to come, so you can learn his order and how he does things. Take heed. Godbless you. I love you in the name of Jesus Christ. P.s I know and understand you, I been through hell. If God can do.it for me, he can do it for you.
+1 vote
answered Oct 18, 2014 by anonymous  
Listen to the other voice in your head, that asks you why you put up with this rubbish. Its not that your scared to kill yourself, it is that you know your better than that and worth so much more.

You have been through so much, that you have the skills to survive this misery. Go to the church and they will put you in touch with the right ppl. The only way you can get thru this is if you really want too.

If life can make you feel like this dont you think life can give you joy? You just have to seek my friend. Nothing ever happens for no reason and you have a purpose in this life, you just have to want it.

If I was you I would stop going to the brothel, even if I ended up on the streets because somehow I would pick myself up and find another way to survive. Dont let your life be wasted my friend and dont do it when its too late.

Tell yourself that you are strong, tell yourself that you love you and tell yourself that you deserve better. Flip this **** on its head and give it what for and get your happy ending. NO MATTER HOW YOU DO IT; LIVE TO TELL YOUR STORY, this could be you in a few years time telling someone that they can make it.

You'll be okay my darling friend, just be strong


Always..... SS
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Dec 29, 2014 by (140 points)  
10 Commandments

1. I am the Lord thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before Me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

3. Remember thou keep holy the Lord's day.

4. Honor thy father and thy mother.

5. Thou shalt not kill.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

7. Thou shalt not steal.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods.

BTW, try to see the 5th Commandment.."Thou Shall not Kill".. and anybody whose mind is in tremendous chaos would be tempted to commit suicide as the last resort to escape the agony.. take note that when you are overwhlemed and really has that impulse to commit suicide.. you are unconsiously hearing snares from the dark side to just end your life..

Try to listen to my advice 'cuz I'm a voice hearer not but not schizophrenic and I have already encountered this suicidal moment where I can actually hear a voice or snare telling me to just end my life.. but look I'm still alive now and has just become a new team of Angels Online Help Desk ( 30 Dec 2014 ) and I'm not dat gullible enough to commit suicide.. look we should always cherish and take care of the precious life that our Lord God Almighty has given us and no one among us has the right to take that precious life that He has given us..

Recently I have searched about the ******** of Emily Rose and I was so shocked when I read in the article about 1 of the unclean spirit that entered Emily Rose and he was Judas Escariot, the one who betrayed our Lord God Almighty Holy Master Ravi Son Jesus Christ the Redeemer the Prince of Peace and Presiding Judge who will judge all of us on the 2nd Coming.

Look when Judas Escariot reallized his fault and sin for betraying our Lord God Almighty Son Jesus Christ he was in despair and was really sorry for what he did. He could have been pardoned by our Lord God Almighty if he just chose to live a holy life after his regret or remoarse for betraying our Lord God Almighty Son Jesus Christ.

But the very unacceptable thing that he did was when he hang himslef (commited suicide) and his soul has not been pardoned because he took his life. Now connect it to the 5th Commandment and the story of the ******** of Emily Rose. Try to reallize that no souls could get pardoned if the cause of death of that soul was suicide. You might think that no one would ever ever ever really know what lies ahead after death but look at the evidence of the ******** of Emily Rose wherein the spirit of Judas Escariot was one of the several unclean spirits that entered her body. So that's the punchline.. hope you know what I mean. The accounts of the ******** of Emily Rose of Germany are authentic and not one of the Hoax stories around. The priest who administered the ******** came from St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, Italy

You know this is the common misconception of those suicide folks being tempted to end their life. Normally when you're in the middle of suicide scene it's like you're high on drugs wherein your judgment is already impaired meaning you already don't know the good thing that you should do and the bad things that you should really avoid. Inside their mind pops up the trash or garbage reasoning coming from the dark side or enemy that our Lord God Almighty would just understand our situation and why we opted to commit suicide and would just forgive our souls on the time of our judgement. You know the story of the Lake of Fire from the Holy Bible.

But look our Lord God Almighty is loving Holy Father for sinners like you and me but He is also very strict regarding the 10 Commandments and all human race must comply to this Divine & Holy rule on a day 2 day basis upto the last hour of our temporary life here on earth because all of us the whole humanity were not born to live a hedonistic lifestyle (life of freedom that is always sinful) but instead we are expected to live a holy life that's always pleasing to Him that's why he created the 10 Commandments to save our souls.

Look I'm not religious as well but I have learned a lot from my terrible & horrible encounter with the voice or sounds that I hear before and it mad me reallized that I should revive my faith to our Lord God Almighty from up above who is our most powerful savior against these unexplainable stuff that creeps into our subconscious that temps us to swerve or go out of the straight path that will put all of us in danger by commiting a lot of sins that you could ever imagine. I suggest for you to help yourself by reviving your faith in our Lord God Almighty and He will surely lift you up. You know our life here on earth is full of day 2 day challenges that will make us stronger as we go through but we should always bear in mind that we should have relationship to our Most Powerful Creator Lord God Almighty. In this world that we live in there are a lot of things we really can't explain but one thing is for sure our Lord God Almighty from up above is the Most Powerful, Immaculate, Sacred, Divine, Holy, Highest Pedestal Throne who's bigger than the entire Heaven and Universe and He love us so much that's why He gave his only begotten son Lord God Almighty Jesus Christ to save all of us from death which He already did right after the Crucifixion.

You know my life before when I was in Italy & Spain.. I'm always drunk & intoxicated whenever I attend a Holy Mass and I never reallized that sinful & blasphemous gesture that I'm into! Maybe that's one of the several reasons why I'v been hearing voices or sounds 24/7 without ceasing. But since then I repented for my sins and never drink alcohol & puff cigarrette anymore until now. You know whenever I see alcohol or cigarette my stomach would really rumble 'cuz I can't afford or take their presence 'cuz it's so yucky. I know our Lord God Almighty really helped me avoid this sinful products and keep on helping me remove or go away from the rest of the sinful life that I'm into. I'm sure each and everyone of us deserves a second chance while we are still alive. That's why never ever ever commit suicide 'cuz we can't take our precious life as a joke. Our precious life will never be a joke I swear. So from now on try to value the precious life that God has given you. Be productive and use your God given talent to help others as well. Who knows one day you will also become one of the team members of Angels Online Help Desk Team here and would also start saving lives.

Do the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confess your sins from past to present to a Priest). Take the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion) during Holy Mass Celebration. Attend the Holy Mass every Saturday or Sunday because Holy Mass is the highest form of Prayer that's why it becomes a Religious Obligation and failing to attend the Holy Mass is a Mortal Sin. During the Holy Mass we receive the Divine & Holy Body of Jesus Christ thru the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist because the Holy Eucharist will save our souls. During the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist the unleaven bread becomes the Divine & Holy Body of Jesus Christ and the wine becomes the Divine & Holy Blood of Jesus Christ. This process is called Transubstantiation.. you can search for yourself on google regarding the many miracle stories of the Holy Eucharist.

Again please revive your faith to our Lord God Almighty. From now on try to do a lot of good deeds on a day 2 day basis that will surely please our Lord God Almighty from up above.

Ok so until then.. if you have more questions try to send email at reymouse12@*****.com
0 votes
answered Jan 1, 2015 by anonymous  
"Dear God, please forgive my sins and step in and save me!" Repent of all your sins, every film and book you read or watched which didn't glorify God, repent of watching television.

Jesus will help you if you repent of everything and talk to him 24/7
0 votes
answered Apr 15, 2015 by josie  
hi my name is Josie and well just reading your story really made me tear up.. I also have an older sister that does stuff like this and I pray to God that you are no longer doing this, or feel as if you should harm your self, you know God put us in this world for a reason... I'm really praying that you are doing good now.. I understand it's hard to pay bill's or what not but you can just find you a good hard working job and you will get through it.. I will be praying for you and please don't give up.. Have faith and believe and you shall see the results...
0 votes
answered May 28, 2015 by Cee  
hello! I know that you're having a hell of a life, but hey, you're still breathing and that means something :) I don't know the policies or what kind of lifestyle you have there in New Zealand but you should try jobs in fast food store or try volunteering in charity organizations. Volunteering for a cause may give you a better feeling :) believe me :) when you volunteer in a charity work, you'll see how other people try to cope up with their life, you can learn from them :) you can even grow with them; i recommended a job in a fast food store so that you can see a different environment. It will help you have a better perspective at things :) there are millions of people in the world who are depressed or being worn out by their anxiety..you are not the only one fighting my dear :) if you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to us :) it is never too late to help yourself ;)
0 votes
answered Aug 22, 2016 by AspiringAngel  
Hello.
I just wanted you to know that God is not looking at what sin youve been doing ever since, He is more of concern of what you have in your Heart. The question is, are you willing to Seek and Meet Him for you to be freed from your chains?

He is waiting for you. Theres always a way for Him. If only you believe and surrender to Him. He is mighty and loving.

Again, wanted you to know, He is waiting for you.
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Dec 22, 2016 by A (420 points)   1
I'm sorry you have found yourself in such a predicament but there are always ways in which you can turn your life around if you really want to. But you have to WANT to.
You mentioned you go to uni - what are you studying? That is already a step in the right direction to turning things around for yourself. All you need to do now is cut all ties with your old life and start afresh. There are always people hiring and when people say no one is hiring, its simply an excuse for them for why they still don't have a job.
Are there any farms around your area? Farms could always use an extra helping hand, most pay cash in hand and no paperwork is required, so there is no reason to submit a CV either. Other retail shops probably wouldn't require a CV, but if they do, a little white lie won't hurt anybody if it's for the greater good.
Its really that simple if you are willing to try but giving up is never the answer, all you have to believe is that you can do it and you are just as worthy as anyone else to try.

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