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+1 vote
Profile Photo by horwood ANGEL2000+ (2.2k points)   1 11 29
for the past three years ive been addicted to self-harming I know how much it hurts people to see my scars but no matter what I try I just cant stop I practically carry a blade everywhere and I want to show my boyfriend I still cut and show him the blades but I cant bring myself to do it in case he throws them away and I crave them after a while as sick as it actually sounds its like theyre always there for me when I need them the most and it hurts me to know that they are my main comfort my boyfriends there for me but I feel he just wants one thing that's another reason why I go to my blades for help theres a false sense of security with them and it really scares me I just want to stop but I cant anything I do I always see my blades and scars and it hurts to think theyre my friends when theyre just sharp metal.
Country: uk

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4 Answers

+1 vote
I understand what you are going through and I do not believe you're sick; strange'; crazy; etc...however, I do believe you are hurting deep down inside and need someone in which you can talk to (i.e. mental help provider or someone on the hotline). Cutting gives you a sense of relief and control and it's not un-normal to release your pain through cutting. Taking away the sharp objects will not stop your pain; however, talking through it and dealing with your emotional pain will help cease the cutting. You stated that (you believe) your boyfriend only wants one thing, so my guess is sex. With that being said, "The pain you're going through and not believing you have a supportive boyfriend" is enough to cause you to fall into depression; therefore, him taking away your sharp objects will not rectify your problems; it will only exasperate them. You are a beautiful person who has taken the right step in recognizing you have a problem and reaching out for help; which is evident by you sending out a message on this website. What I like about this site are the available hotline numbers on the left of our comment box and I encourage you to give it a try because your cutting is not unusual.
+1 vote
To me it sounds like you use these as an emotional crutch but this is a short term solution and to a problem that could possibly be short term itself. However this an unhealthy addiction and you need to get rid of it. Tell your boyfriend, your family and friends what's going on. Because I can assure you from personal experience that they probably already know and  they're terrified of losing you. But they can help you through this. You just have to let them, I know it seems hard but it will get better and that's no lie. One day you'll look back and be happy when you realise that you don't need them anymore, and that you never did. You're not weak and you're not sick but part of being brave and strong isn't being all together all the time. It's also about being able to admit you need help. Tell the people in your life and you will conquer this.

I wish you the very best of luck x
0 votes
Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (64.6k points)   7 11 38
Have you tried replacing the blades with red marker?

Then slowly introduce other color and start drawing on other surface. You don't need to be good at drawing, just express yourself the way you like with different colors.

Then take some drawing lessons from local art studios to explore more drawing methods ...

I also recommend you to read the book: The Power of Habits.

You are a wonderful and kind person. I know people care and love you no matter what. Let them help you.

May Angels Around.
0 votes
If you fill like your boyfriend only wants one thing then find someone like a group of your peers for help and support, ask somone you trustto help you get support, there are somethings that even people that love you to the moon and back cant do without some help.

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