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I'm a 19 year old female who lives in NZ, I made a friend online who lives in the UK during a tough time in my life, my boyfriend had raped me then after promising to stand by me had cheated with one of my friends, He and I became very close during a period of neglect and often told me I deserved better. we unknowingly developed feelings for each other and I miss him when we don't talk, he is a very honest and moral guy and neither of us want to develop a relationship while I'm still with my boyfriend and I've been given the ultimatum, I either ditch my boyfriend or he will stop talking to me as he doesn't want to one day become "the other guy", but I've been with my boyfriend for four years and he's the only boyfriend I've ever had or the only guy I've ever been with sexually, I don't know what to do and I'm scared to lose my friend. if I leave my boyfriend ill never have another sexual relationship because I'm not a virgin anymore and you should only ever be with the one guy after marriage, my friend says I can stay with him if I need to and he will look after me, please help me
Country: new zealand

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2 Answers

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Sweetheart you dont need to stay with someone because you have only ever had sex with him, if thats the reason you stay I would really think about that belief system.
Your friend may be trying to help but pressure may not help.
Your boyfriend already raped you which is not a sign of a forever love.
Do not let fear stop your happiness for life you deserve the best yes you do.
Much love
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Hi.  I know that may sound strange, but as far as I can tell, this is going to be a little like a conversation, only a letter that you can't answer back to.  So the greeting.
 I am sad that you are in this mess,  but I think your friend has the right of it.  So I'm going to ask you some tough stuff.  Be warned, this will hurt.  However, I need to ask you something.  Are you married, or are you not?  If you are not, ask your boyfriend whether or not he would like to marry you. One reason I say this is Proverbs 5:15-23, "Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.  (16)  Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.  (17)  Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.  (18)  Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.  (19)  Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her ******* satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.  (20)  And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the ***** of a stranger?  (21)  For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.  (22)  His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.  (23)  He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray."  This might be good for you to get your boyfriend to see too.  Basically what verses 22 and 23 are saying is that when dead you and he will not change, you'll just be alone.  He most likely will not change if you become married either.  Verses 15-21 are saying be pleased with your mate.  If you are married, if you do leave each other, like you know, you have to stay single, unless you get together again.  
The second reason I ask this is Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."  That is the key... to cleave(hang on to, firmly attach) to a husband(if female) or wife(if male).

Please read this over as it is not a for sure leave or a for sure stay.  It just brings to mind some rules that God made when he designed us for marriage.  Now it is for you to decide.

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