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+1 vote
I am a 22 year old sociopath, i am in a 2 year long relationship with a girl i have no feelings for and i wish i could have feelings for her but being completely honest i am mainly with her for financial benefit and somewhere to live. I would leave in a heart beat for a better situation but fortunately one has not come up yet. My girlfriend is madly in love with me and would to anything for me but i do not have any feelings towards her or anyone for that matter. i see other people as tools to use for my personal gain and will manipulate them with lies and charm.

Is it possible for me to stop?
Country: United Kingdom

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4 Answers

+1 vote
Yes, there is a way for you to be able to live without going on like this.  You can have feelings for a person, and not just to manipulate them.  What you said about personal gain is kind of echoed in the Bible, and that is where any help I am going to be able to give you comes from.

First, the echo.  1 Timothy 6:10a, "For the love of money is the root of all evil:..."

Second, the definition and source of love.  
(A) Definition:  1 Corinthians 13:1-8, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.  (2)  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.  (3)  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.  (4)  Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,  (5)  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;  (6)  Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;  (7)  Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.  (8)  Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away."

(B) Source: 1 John 4:8, "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."

Third, a warning.  1 Timothy 6:10, "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

Jeremiah 17:9, "For the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Revelations 21:8, "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death."

Luke 13:3, "I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish."

Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."

Romans 6:23, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
Who is...John 10:30, "I and my Father are one."

Romans 5:7,8, "For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. "

John 14:6, "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Romans 10:9, "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

Fourth, a second warning and help.
1 John 3:1, "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not."
2 Timothy 2:15, "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."
1 Thessalonians 5:15-22, "See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.  (16)  Rejoice evermore.  (17)  Pray without ceasing.  (18)  In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  (19)  Quench not the Spirit.  (20)  Despise not prophesyings.  (21)  Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.  (22)  Abstain from all appearance of evil."

I know that this is a lot all at once, but it would be a good idea to write it down and keep going back to it,  If you need help, pray, seek, and then email.
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (305k points)   7 7 12
Verses in the Holy Bible about cheating:

James 4:17 ESV / 810 helpful votes

So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

Proverbs 12:22 ESV / 484 helpful votes

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Proverbs 19:1 ESV / 346 helpful votes

Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool.

Hebrews 13:4 ESV / 327 helpful votes

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Matthew 5:27-28 ESV / 291 helpful votes

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Proverbs 10:9 ESV / 255 helpful votes

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.

Galatians 6:7-8 ESV / 220 helpful votes

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

Proverbs 28:6 ESV / 192 helpful votes

Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways.

Proverbs 20:22 ESV / 173 helpful votes

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.

Colossians 3:9 ESV / 160 helpful votes

Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

Proverbs 6:32 ESV / 160 helpful votes

He who commits adultery lacks sense; he who does it destroys himself.

Luke 6:31 ESV / 150 helpful votes

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Joshua 1:9 ESV / 148 helpful votes

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Luke 16:10-12 ESV / 147 helpful votes

“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much. If then you have not been faithful in the unrighteous wealth, who will entrust to you the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in that which is another's, who will give you that which is your own?

James 1:26 ESV / 132 helpful votes

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

Hebrews 13:5 ESV / 124 helpful votes

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Luke 6:32-42 ESV / 115 helpful votes

“If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Proverbs 16:28 ESV / 99 helpful votes

A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Colossians 3:5-10 ESV / 97 helpful votes

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices

Ephesians 5:5 ESV / 92 helpful votes

For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

Romans 3:23 ESV / 90 helpful votes

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Romans 2:21-24 ESV / 88 helpful votes

You then who teach others, do you not teach yourself? While you preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that one must not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the law dishonor God by breaking the law. For, as it is written, “The name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV / 87 helpful votes

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Galatians 5:19-21 ESV / 84 helpful votes

Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, ******, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
+1 vote
Profile Photo by sald0117 ANGEL3000+ (3.6k points)   2 10
Have you been definitively diagnosed as a sociopath? There are other disorders, such as certain forms of autism, which make it difficult or even impossible for those afflicted to comprehend other's emotions. From your message it seems to me that you understand that your behavior is WRONG, which is why I am questioning whether you have been appropriately diagnosed by a pyschiatrist. Sociopaths generally do not understand that their lack of empathy and manipulation of others for self benefit is inappropriate behavior.

Since you know that what you are doing, for example by taking advantage of your girlfriend, is wrong behavior that will ultimately cause her severe emotional pain, it is clear that you have some degree of conscience. Even if you cannot empathize completely with the feelings of other people, you must understand that you are completely responsible for your actions. You clearly know right from wrong, and you must use this knowledge to temper your interaction with others. You may lack the emotional capacity for empathy, but you do not lack the analytical insight of discerning good behavior from bad behavior. You KNOW when you are manipulating others for self gain, therefore you have the capacity to not engage in such behavior. If you continue to use and hurt other people then you are doing so as a conscious decision. YOU CLEARLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO STOP ACTING THIS WAY!!!

Can you feel love at all? You say that you don't love your girlfriend, but do you love your parents, you siblings? Have you ever loved a pet? Be honest with yourself. Is it possible that you use and manipulate others because you just don't want to take responsibility for yourself?

If you are indeed a sociopath, are you in therapy? You should be. It is not known what causes the sociopath disorder, though biological and/or genetic causes are suspected. There is no cure for the disorder at this point in time. If you have been definitively diagnosed with this disorder then you should be in therapy, as therapy is likely the most effective way of tempering sociopathic behavior.

I think that at some level you do care about other people, and that you have a sense of remorse for taking such advantage of others, especially your girlfriend. This is why you are reaching out as you are. YOU KNOW THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF!!! Calling yourself a sociopath does not indemnify you from taking responsibility for your actions. You can stop hurting other people if you want to. You KNOW right from wrong, so start doing what's RIGHT. How you behave is always up to you. You can change if you want to. So start being honest with those you are hurting. HELP YOURSELF and stop depending on others. Good luck to you my friend, I pray that you can decide to take ownership of your actions. God Bless.
0 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
I do not think you are a sociopath. A sociopath does NOT KNOW he is doing anything wrong. They would never even admit to manipulating anyone. Instead, they feel any and all attention lavished on them is rightfully deserved. And they would never think to STOP. The real issue here is why you self-identify as a sociopath.

I think you care more about your girlfriend than you would like to admit. You could easily find a better situation. The internet abounds with seedy sites advertising just the type of arrangement you seek. It seems more that you are afraid. Afraid that if you admit or show how much you do care, it will all fall apart. You say you would leave in a heat beat, and yet find it fortunate that no other situation has presented itself. I do not believe this was a typo. Do you think it fair to your girlfriend? If it were the other way around, would you want her to use you in the same way? If you do not love her, let her go so she can move on and find someone who will.

I do not pretend to know your feelings, however. You need to look deep inside yourself and decide if you do love her or not. I suspect somewhere along the way you were hurt and so you decided people would only be a means to an end. You want to stop then change. Yes. You can stop. It is simple. Place the interests of others before your own. It is so much harder to be selfish, than it is to be selfless.

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