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My sister is severely depressed. She has stopped eating and isolates herself in her bedroom all day, curtains closed, not speaking to anyone. She tells us she is "fed up of life right now" and she hates all the people she knows.
She is epileptic, and recently had a cancerous mole removed from her arm, as well as being in the middle of her final college exams so having to make a decision about her future. I can understand why she would be feeling low after all of this, but she will not speak to anyone about anything.
I try and speak to her to get her to share her feelings and am told to "get out" before she bursts into tears and will not speak. I don't know what to do, but I am really scared she might do something stupid.
We're trying to get her to see a GP but she refuses and says she will sound pathetic or they won't care, even though we know that isn't true. I need a way of getting her out of this as soon as possible because she is a definite risk to herself right now.
Country: United Kingdom
    

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7 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by Corcoran ANGEL2000+ (2.6k points)   1 2 9
Good Morning :)
I am sorry to hear this- it always breaks my heart to hear of someone suffering in silence, especially to such severity. It is always difficult to try and help a loved one when they are not willing to do anything to help themselves. I completely understand your worries and concerns for your sister and you are not alone in this situation.
Anxiety and depression are very common and it is really important to get your the help that is needed- are you able to call a Doctor out to the house at all? Many surgeries offer this service for cases like this- they don't advertise but in special circumstances they will.
As a sister, just being 'there' and constantly making that known to her will be the best thing you can do. Maybe watch some films together, think about things that you know she enjoys or likes and suggest doing something of that nature?
Counselling would be an option if she would agree? Or looking into finding a counsellor to come to you?
Please get in touch should you want to talk more, I am here and I would love to be able to help you more.
Bets wishes
Helena xxxxx
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (282k points)   7 7 12
Verses in the Holy Bible about anxiety and depression:


1 Peter 5:7 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Helpful Not Helpful
Proverbs 12:25 ESV / 4 helpful votes

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Hebrews 13:5-6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

Philippians 4:9 ESV / 3 helpful votes

What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Philippians 4:4 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV / 3 helpful votes

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

John 3:16 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Matthew 6:25-34 ESV / 3 helpful votes

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Psalm 91:1-16 ESV / 3 helpful votes

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

Psalm 23:1-6 ESV / 3 helpful votes

A Psalm of David. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.


Verses in the Holy Bible about helping others:


Hebrews 13:16 ESV / 2,268 helpful votes

Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Philippians 2:4 ESV / 1,544 helpful votes

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Luke 6:38 ESV / 1,136 helpful votes

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

1 John 3:17 ESV / 1,019 helpful votes

But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

Matthew 25:35-40 ESV / 848 helpful votes

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was ***** and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or ***** and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

James 2:14-17 ESV / 697 helpful votes

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

Galatians 6:2 ESV / 594 helpful votes

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

John 15:12 ESV / 507 helpful votes

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Matthew 5:16 ESV / 492 helpful votes

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Proverbs 19:17 ESV / 485 helpful votes

Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.

Proverbs 22:9 ESV / 279 helpful votes

Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.

Matthew 5:42 ESV / 266 helpful votes

Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Romans 15:1 ESV / 233 helpful votes

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.

Matthew 5:13-16 ESV / 218 helpful votes

“You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
+1 vote
Profile Photo by sald0117 ANGEL3000+ (3.6k points)   2 10
Hello Friend,
I am truly sorry for your situation, I can only imagine the depth of your concern for your dear sister. Her pain must be great. BUT SO IS YOURS. And I think this may be the key to getting your sister to help herself. She clearly does not, at this moment, care about her grievouse condition, but does she understand how her lack of concern for herself is affecting those who love her most?

She needs to be SHOWN how much pain you feel for her. She needs to be SHOWN that you, and those closest to her, love her so much that her pain is hurting all of you. LET HER KNOW THAT SHE IS NOT ALONE IN HER PAIN!!! Don't just walk into her room to talk to her, CRY, drop to the floor at her feet and tell her how much you love her and how her condition is hurting you. LET HER SEE YOUR PAIN!!! She may not empathize with herself, but unless she is a sociopath, she will empathize with you. This may inspire her to get help. Unfortunately, short of having her commited, you cannot force her to seek help, SHE HAS TO WANT HELP. Let her know that she can feel GOOD again, and that by her feeling good you will not be in such pain for her.

I am not a mental health professional by any means. However, at this point this is the only approach I see left. MAKE HER SEE BEYOND HER OWN PAIN TO YOURS. Let her love for you and your family force her to act. Good Luck and God Bless.
+1 vote
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
Oh my dear friend,
I am literally in tears ... I completely feel your pain. I went through the same thing with my sister. She, too, has epilepsy, and she too went through the same thing in her 20s. Your sister is probably scared. She is scared about the future. Epilepsy robs you of the control of your body, and even your memories. She will soon finish college, and then what? She is likely feeling the pressure that she has to leave her family and go off on her own because that is what society expects. Yet, she does not feel she can. It is ok. Let her know that it is ok to depend on her family. Families are suppose to help each other. Let her know all the times she has selflessly helped you. Show her it is love that binds you to her and not pity.

I remember, too, trying to do all kinds of things to get my sister out of her room. I acted the fool, I annoyed her incessantly, I firmly planted myself in the room until she stormed out, but in the end it was pure GUILT that worked best. Fear also worked. I would come up with scenarios of her suicide attempt going bad and she being in a FAR worse off situation. Although I did not feel particularly proud of making her feel guilty or afraid, it was a necessary evil. She would start saying she wanted to check out, and I would turn on the waterworks and tell her that if she died I would never be able to get over it. I am sure it will not be hard to start crying in front of her. It HURTS to see someone you love spiral downward. I know that feeling of helplessness. But, your situation is not helpless, or hopeless. KEEP FIGHTING! DON'T GIVE UP. Go into her room, stay there, take her abuse, and just hug her when she cries. She will fight you, she may even say hurtful things. Just dig deep and stay there hugging her. Let her see that you will love her no matter what she does. Show her you CARE enough to NOT let her die. Come together as a family and show her how much you love her, and how much HER pain hurts you as well.

Explain to her that she is not stupid, or pathetic. She may not even be the problem. Many anti-seizure medications have depression, and suicidal side effects, especially in young adults. Convince her that she needs to tell her doctor so that her meds can be changed or her dosage adjusted. Unfortunately, epilepsy has no cure, and unfortunately depression and anxiety seems to follow it. The loss of control, the fear of not knowing when you will have a seizure I am sure is a major contributor to this. You also have to understand that epileptics have a REALLY hard time shutting off their brains. This is as you have aptly pointed out a side effect of all she went through recently. Her brain is on overdrive and like a computer it has crashed. Her condition also makes her feel things much stronger than you or I would. She needs to take a step back, and just breathe. Try and help her relax. The last thing you all want is for her to get a seizure. Make her see that it is NOT HER FAULT, but that she has to put some effort towards getting better.

Perhaps, if you suggest ALL of you go to therapy together, she may be more willing to see a doctor. Of course, if you feel there is a real danger of her actually acting on her threats of suicide, then it may be time to forcibly commit her, though you want to avoid this if possible. You may also want to check out www.epilepsysupportcenter.com. They have support groups, and other information, which may help you and your family. You guys need to get together and support each other. Discuss the situation and cry it out together; it helps. It is best if you do it away from your sister so she does not feel you are talking behind her back. Take shifts in looking out for her. You may even have to camp out at the foot of her bed. I understand you want to give her space and respect her wishes, but you have to also understand that this is a cry for help. Show her she is not alone.

I am not going to lie to you. It was not easy to get my sister out of it. She is 10 years older than me so it was very difficult for me to see her in such a dark place. As I am sure, it is difficult for you to see your sister that way. It is easier for her to stay in her dark place; any little thing that goes wrong just continues to add fuel... Help her, see though harder, it is more worthwhile to fight the darkness.

Hang in there. It will get better. My sister still has periods of self-doubt, and certain things about her condition still anger her or depress her, but she has learned to cope and accept. I am here if you want to talk. Please feel free to message me anytime. We can even email if you prefer.
BIG hug, and hoping your sister gets better soon.
0 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
Hi
Has there been any improvement with your sister? I hope so ... I cannot emphasize enough that I am here to help. I know I am just a stranger to you, but i have been through this my sister and it is all too familiar. She is lucky to have you in her life, and though she may not always act like it or say it she does love you. Hang in there... Be strong for her and your family. Hope I hear back from you :)
0 votes
by  
Maybe hook her up with this website...she's smart and has experiences like what she is going through now, which gives her insight and empathy that could be useful in giving others advice or a shoulder to cry on...sometimes the only way to feel better is to feel useful and needed. When you are in a situation like hers and I am, not exactly..I am dealing with a health problem that just showed up in my head....and I mean that Literally! ...lol...just a pun but not a joke. Anyway my behavior was exactly the same as hers until I tried to help a friend in need, which made me feel better...but in the end she reminded me about God, just by hearing her faith in him through her natural way she spoke, and that was exactly what I needed...so don't give up, she knows you love her which is all that matters anyway.
+1 vote
by  
Get as many people,such as friends and family,and stage an INTERVENTION. PHYSICALLY PICK HER UP AND TAKE HER DOWN TO DOCTOR/HOSPITAL IF NEEDED.But the entire time keep reminding her that all of this is being done with love and extreme concern for her life and her well being. I think that when she sees just how many people love and care for her....that they would ACTUALLY PICK HER UP and take her to get help...just may get her attention..where she   might open up and talk  to a medical professional/qualified person.  Good luck and God bless.

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